Cosmopolitan Warehouse Club by J.D. Fratto

EDITOR’S NOTE: J.D. Fratto is the author of recent novella “City Blocks” published by CatOnBall, the book length work imprint of FreedomFiction.com

Please Visit https://www.catonball.com/

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Cosmopolitan Warehouse Club by J.D. Fratto

Studs Mac Enerny is a retiree in small-town Valoo, the county seat in Morronatus County. However, his principal identity is that of a seasoned member of the Cosmopolitan Warehouse Club, having been loyally in attendance for twelve years since his brief stint as the county’s Deputy Sanitation Director. The clubhouse leans on the corner of Winneker and Bloom and is a five-minute walk to Dustbin Drive where the action is; that being, Fester’s Hoagie Shop, ANY KID’S clothing “boutique”, Marv’s gas station, Pinnacle Rosie’s dress shop, Papawa’s Pet Palace, Salandra’s Coffee Plus and the 4th Police Precinct. Needs beyond what these venues might offer require roughly a seven-minute drive – mostly uphill, which adds to the downhill pleasure of returning to the Club for a drink if you’re on foot.

Filbrick Shaw is one of Studs’ four best friends. Clawson, Derge and Butterbee close out the quintet.

It’s Saturday and the rain had just given way to partial clouds while the sun holds-off in the ante-room, until about six o’clock. Studs and Filbrick head north in F’s vintage Pontiac in an effort to escape the inevitable cholesterol rush of lunch served at the Club. They arrive at the upper town center in due time and luckily find a parking space right on the main street, called Piper’s Lane. In contrast to Dustbin, Piper’s, though narrower, seems like a veritable carnival of action, what with bustling sidewalks, parking meters, a line-up of street lights, shop assistants wiping-dry outside windows, diversified age, gender and racial groupings and, in honor of the town’s former police chief: Buster Thompson Memorial Park. The upper town’s name is Centennial, smartly adopted on its hundredth anniversary from the original, Brookweed. Locals still call it Brookweed since, to them, “Centennial” doesn’t seem like a real place. Though, fairly isolated, for its size, it has a recently arrived Asian population of thirteen, plus two more on the way, thereby adding diversity to the town’s talent pool.

Not surprisingly, S and F decide on Chinese for lunch, but that’s for later. The restaurant is called Yangming. Its owner, Nicky Blake, is also a member of the CWC, where he is accorded the nickname of Nicky Woo.

OK let’s get to the point. They walk down Piper’s Lane, taking-in the variety of goods being offered for sale or service. it’s too soon for lunch so they stop at Carmeline’s Café for a coffee. Owing to business being on the uptick, Carmeline recently added a pretentious, high-tech espresso machine. Being in the dark about espresso, Filbrick suggests they try one. Little did they know that it would cost them twice the price of the “real stuff” while offering only 20% of the volume – with no refills to boot! Well, to make it worthwhile, they sip what little there was for nearly 20 minutes before thanking the “Carmel”and heading for the door. All in all, it was a pretty bitter experience never to be repeated. Filbrick then needed to stop at Bleeds’ Hardware to pick up something for his kitchen at home. Once inside, he habitually looks and looks and looks around the aisles. Assuming that, Stud decided to continue walking and they agreed to meet, whenever, in the park.

THAT EVENING

(The twosome are back at Warehouse and while sitting over drinks, Studs tells their three buddies what transpired earlier that day from the time he entered the park. Here’s how it went.)

“Well, little did I know that my stroll into the park would be the real beginning of the day for me: a real departure – literally – from anything I might have expected. It happened right there in Thompson. You guys know the park is pretty tiny in that it has only one bench, perhaps five or six trees and grass at the footline. No one is ever there so I plop down on the bench, pull out my Mary Higgins Clark novel and prepare for a few quiet moments of peace while awaiting Filbrick.”

“Now get this. Ten minutes or so passes when I am approached by a young woman, perhaps nearly thirty years my junior. You know; she’s about thirty. She asks softly if I mind if she joins me on the bench. That her foot was slightly sore, so she wanted to check on the possible cause, which necessitated a brief removal of her right shoe and sock. Of course, I yielded as any decent person would. Once revealed, her foot was smoothly attractive, leading me to assume the likely sameness of its left-side equivalent. As I quietly admired her youthful figure, I conjured that in this world of ours all things start from the bottom. As it turned out, the foot seemed OK, so she put back her shoe and wiggled the foot for assurance. Well, for several minutes we didn’t say anything until a comb fell from her side jacket pocket and I reached down to get it. From that moment, things really took off – but not as you might expect.”

“Just then, Filbrick comes across the street toward the park. As he enters, he sees the two of us and with obvious surprise he exclaims loudly, Mindy! Right; that’s her. She stands and the two of them move closer while extending arms and kissing cheeks. Then, Filbrick; who, you guys can see sitting here, is nearly down to her age; turns and informs me that they were once an “item” for a period of about a year. She humorously adds that he was the best person she ever decided to drop in favor of another. Pretty weird, I thought. Nevertheless, he didn’t seem to be holding any grudge against her. In fact, he then informs her that he and I were about to go to Yangming for lunch and would she care to join us, while promising her that it wouldn’t be like old times (whatever that means). He looks at me for approval and I offer a benign smirk. She, on the other hand, claims she is meeting a friend in a few minutes and so must refuse, adding that otherwise she would love to join us. However, Filbrick is unstoppable, and asks if they were meeting for lunch and, if so, why not make it a foursome. He looks at me and I offer another benign smirk. Mindy likes the idea and adds that her friend, Lorna, works in one of the shops down the street so Mindy will phone her to see if she is agreeable. It appears that Lorna only works a half day on Saturdays and so she agreed to join us for lunch and added that there was no need to rush it. That’s how it all began.”

“Ten minutes later, Friend Lorna meets us at the park. She and Mindy share hugs and Mindy introduces her to the two of us. Lorna is quite pretty, though slightly thin, if you get my drift. Filbrick suggests that we skip Yangming and drive to Draemoor for lunch at Zumfrau, where, since the weather had now turned pleasant, we can dine outdoors. OK; we agree and walk down to the Pontiac and off we go.”

(Draemoor, the largest town in the region, just 18 miles west)

“I’ll tell you; there’s nothing like an occasional trip to a real city to get the nerves pumping or, whatever they do. The streets are wider; the buildings taller; the hub-bub of chatter on the street is invigorating and the air is, shall I say, more vibrant, owing to the jump in traffic. And for those of you who haven’t been to Draemoor recently, for me, the sheer entrance into town was a knock-out – even the hulking, tangerine colored prison felt as welcoming as a Roman bath. However, given its mission to be uncongenial to its house guests, it has not a single window, facing the street – not great, I’d say. However, now get this: as we approach the prison, from Lorna’s seat in the rear, she says for all to hear: “My Dad’s in there.” Filbrick asks if he’s a guard; to which she straightforwardly replies, “No; he’s a criminal – a pick-pocket, and he should be out within the month or so. He’s been in there a while.” Needless to say, we are all shocked, or at least, nearly so and Mindy speaks for the group by letting out a weak, “Oh”. Then, surprisingly, Lorna adds: “It was a bad habit that he couldn’t control. He didn’t mean any harm. It all started in local shops; candy stores, hardware stores; places where it was easy to grab something and walk out without anyone noticing it.” Then, Mindy jumped in with, “That’s not pick-pocketing.” “Well,” Lorna replied, “he graduated to that, learning the subtleties of cozying up to someone, then adding a light bump and a quick snatch from the pocket. He told me once that it took training.” At that point, Filbrick humorously added, “Given his current residence, I guess he needed more training.” There was no reply.

“Just then, we arrived at Zumfrau’s, where Lorna claims that it has recently had favorable reviews in the local press.”

“So, here we are: Filbrick, Mindy, Lorna and Yours Truly. Needless to say, I didn’t know what to expect, having initially planned to spend just a few hours above ground level. Let’s start with Filbrick. He knew Mindy from an earlier, though short, life, but they now seemed to get on well and enjoyed reminiscing. I’ll skip me, since I’m one of the boys and known to all for my honesty and Cary Grant style. Quit smirking. Do you know the difference between smiling, which bears agreement and smirking that poses a challenge?”

“The real tale here, as you might not yet imagine, involves Mindy’s companion; the ever svelte, Lorna, who immediately took to my infectious demeanor. According to Mindy, Lorna’s attributes animate a bundle of innocent charms; such as: humility, generosity, respectfulness and courtesy. And, when compiled, these reveal her as a loving and attractive young woman. I see Filbrick is in full smirk over there in the corner. So much for the introduction. As I’ve just indicated, the heart of the tale is vested in the dynamics between Lorna and me, and its ramifications to the day’s journey.”

“We begin sitting down for lunch as Mindy generously adds that its cost will be in accordance with Dutch Treat, not gender reliance. Then, with abrupt immediacy, Lorna aggressively pushes through to a seat next to yours truly. I think nothing of it. However, halfway through the meal, amidst the friendly chatter, she turns to me and says, Studs, I notice that you haven’t added much verbiage during the meal, however, judging from the few utterances you’ve voiced, I suspect there’s a certain valued discourse for all of us to share, were there more of your seemingly pithy verbal forays. Admittedly, her words struck me doubly as a little weird in terms of being slightly aggressive, given the calm sociability of the luncheon. Yet, at the same time, I was pleased by what could be construed as a compliment. You know, as a sign of my possessing a degree of smartness that would elevate the chit-chat. Lunch continued for about an hour, at which point, Mindy claimed the need for a quick exit, owing to a meeting scheduled with her hairdresser. She would take the bus over to Brookweed so there was no need for the three of us to quit doing lunch. So, we said our goodbyes and as Mindy exited the restaurant, Lorna turns to me and asked if I enjoy having lunch – or dinner – with a friend or two now and then. I said yes, providing the conversation was up to it. She then responded that conversations can be varied depending on the subject being discussed and/or the intent of those conversing. I agreed while wondering what in the world was she getting at? At that point, I suddenly realized that Daddy was in the brig, voluntarily, to escape nightly dinners at home with you-know-who. But wait! That’s not the end of it. In fact, it’s only the beginning. She then asks if I would like to have a drink with her sometime, probably at a slightly elevated Italian bistro in Draemor, the reason being that she’d like to further explore my verbal smarts in a more relaxed setting. We could even have dinner if I wished. That, she is a writer and once was an academic of sorts who values what she referred to as “high thought” as opposed to “flat social discourse”.

“Now, what’s weird about this is that I was actually pleasantly moved by her request. It was out of the ordinary in a very positive sense and admittedly, it slightly elevated my own sense of self; i.e. she thought I was someone special. The “date”, if I might call it that, is scheduled for tomorrow night at Agrappina’s. We’ll see how it goes.”

With that, the evening at the club came to a close as Filbrick waved an ironic goodbye from the back corner and the Warehousers packed up their cell phones and headed down assorted streets to their respective dwellings and vehicles, excitedly awaiting tomorrow evening’s late – night news from Stud.

THE NEXT EVENING: POST-AGRIPPINA’S

Stud enters the Warehouse at 8 pm as his buddies wait to hear what he has to report. He is all smiles.

“Well, that went well; no big deal but pleasant. She arranged for drinks at five in a secluded lounge; seated tightly together on a small sofa, looking out onto others coming and going into the room. She loves to talk; and, from a close distance; almost a whisper; although the conversation was above board and not very gripping. She talked at length about her family that came to the States in the early 1900’s from Bratislava in Slovakia. Once settled, dad played at drinking, which led him to seek-out illegal means to support his needs. Mother was a short, stout Eastern Catholic, who prayed for him incessantly. And Lorna? She was an A-student in elementary school who dipped to dropping out after two years in high school. So, that was for starters. She then got onto discussing adulthood and her current job at the dress shop. At this point, I began to yawn. As you can see, there’s nothing very deep going on here despite her earlier pretentions to the contrary. I told her a little about my side of things but kept it brief and then asked her if we should order dinner so we could move-on to elevating the conversation, in keeping with her previously alleged desire to discuss matters more above ground. Surprisingly, she said she couldn’t because she is leaving for Seattle in the morning where she is taking on a new job as a clerk in the local zoo. Mom was supposed to join her, but she’s not well and must remain here until she’s better. So, Lorna had to get home to check on the old girl; that ended it. Mom will be left here alone. Strange, since she’s not well. Anyway, not my problem, but it’s a little weird. No dinner: two drinks and two brief autobiographies – pretty boring actually.”

“That is weird. And as for our night out: nothing to it. As I said: just two drinks and some pretty dull chat. The only good thing is that surprisingly, she insisted on paying the check. Although it wasn’t much but at least I still have the cash I withdrew this morning., when I assumed that we were having dinner” (as he demonstrated by patted his left hand on his cash pocket.) suddenly, he barked out, “WHOA”. (Jamming his hand into the pocket). “It’s GONE. I think she took it. I had $200 for dinner. Now, thinking about it, I bet I know the moment she did it. It was an attempt to act supportive about something I said. She came surprisingly close, and, in fact, I enjoyed it. Why, in Heaven’s name would she do that to me?”

At which point, Filbrick barks out; while laughing,“ASK HER FATHER. HE’S LIVING SOMEWHERE UP IN DRAEMOR!”

* * * THE END * * * *
Copyright J.D. Fratto 2025